SPLASHY FEN
WORDS BY ROBYN PULFORD
“Doesh Bag”. You know it’s going to be a good splashy when your greeted by bad spelling painted on what seems to be an already wrecked jock-esque campsite.
We arrived on Thursday at 9AM, I assumed there to be minimal space as I was told by numerous people via a very unstable and fruitless grapevine that splashy was already “sooo packed”. It didn’t look as packed as I’d expected considering that this year people were full of splashy pre-stoke and decided that going three days early would make the experience that much sweeter. I personally don’t get it. Unless you consider using unmentionably waste filled portaloos for 6 days straight sweet, then kudos to you, you have a better stomach than I.
Everyone packed their warmest gear, jerseys that look hideous but do the job, soccer socks, leggings x 5 and beanie vibes you would never be caught dead in on usual winter days back home. I live in Durban where you usually drag out your hoodies and long socks (unless you’re a crossover kid*) when winters just about to end its pathetic attempts at showering down rain and winds on our hot city. Underberg is a whole different story, splashy is infamous for its rain, mud and ugly gumboots that inevitably go hand in hand with it, but this year just like the line-up the weather decided to shock us and give us a little too much vitamin D via good old Durban sun. I’m still suffering the after effects. MOISTURISE!
Okay, tents all set up now time to go say your hello’s to everyone you know, get burnt by torturous rays and walk away with a nose that looks like it’s been dipped in a red wine barrel. Awesome. Once that’s all done the vital things a camper should do in my opinion are a) find out where the toilets are and b) where you’ll be getting your food from three times a day. Now being vegetarian doesn’t exactly make your quest easy when it comes to food. But alas wraps and curries it should be for the next few days. (Easy there stomach, it’s only a couple days.)
As for the toilets, I don’t think anyone was happy with them, disgruntled people aside; I don’t see how you can go to a festival and expect golden toilet seats and no stench be realistic people. Or do what I did-shove toilet paper up my nostrils in massively retarded looking balls and close your eyes once you’ve got your footing right. You’re pretty much sorted once you’ve mastered that skill.
The line up on the first night couldn’t have gotten things going any faster. With the likes of Captain Stu with their rocking new front man James Klopper and slightly different exciting sound with guest vocals by non other then Marty Mizer, to Straatligkinders always impressive stage performances to Hogs madder then ever set that got the whole of splashy skanking away late into the night and leaving us all breathless, literally (asthma pump-pshhh).
The day line-ups all seemed to mash up into a collage of cover songs. Disappointing to say the least. The only day act worth watching were winners of the DUREX battle of the bands hip-hop get up T.H.O.T.S who blow my mind every time I see them. That’s a lot coming from me, someone who doesn’t even like nor relate to hip hop much.
Friday night was also quite a big one, it’s almost as if a van filled with Afrikaans Music drove in and spat out Fokofpolisiekar, Jack Parow and Die heuwels fantasties. Jack Parow was up first 6.15 walking past the marquee at 5.30 you already couldn’t see the stage. I’m told that Jack Parow pulled the biggest crowd. With every second person donning there extended peak caps on the first day of splashy this didn’t come as a surprise. I’m not the biggest fan of the parody rapper and to compare him to Die Antwoord would be wrong, and I’m all for wrong. I swear I heard Parow repeat his name a couple times for the duration of his 3 minute songs. Talk about shameless self promotion, and then there are the self acclaimed Diehard fans who probably don’t ever speak Afrikaans, rapping off (fluently) the lyrics to “cooler as ekke” and mumble-mouthing the words to the other songs. Jumping between tents to go watch old time radical Ska-punk band Sheep down was quite a task but we managed to pull it off just in time to catch the last two songs from Die Heuwels Fantasies and then the whole set of New Holland. Fokof Put on a crazy performance as always and screened a showing of their ‘Fokumentary ‘straight after they played. Not that every ones massive beer goggles allowed for much solid viewing.
Saturday night… where do I begin? Oh that’s right, I don’t. Cos it was an A-grade fail. Unless you’re into Prime circle and Plush, which I’m not but plenty a jock apparently is.
Easter Sunday came with more lip chapping sun, comedians (one of whom managed to make it to the papers with his seemingly offensive antichristian jokes) and more cover songs.
Everyone was anticipating USA Nintendo metal core band, Horse The Band, I’m not a huge fan of that genre or the band but I’ve always been aware of their existence and figured I should watch them anyway. Unfortunately that plan fell through when the rain fell down. And the boyfriend and people we were lifting outnumbered me with their votes to leave. I’m pretty sure, considering their Reigns in Africa tour, someone else covered them anyway.
Splashy 2010, besides the overflowing portaloo buckets, busy paramedics and copious amounts of little kids tripping on shrooms, was way better then 2009. Rumour has it they plan to make it a 7 day shindig next year. Here’s hoping they’re all filled with rad bands and no covers.
